Things I Learned Backstage

There are many things to be learned during the course of a production season – lines, cast members names, blocking/choreography etc… but the things you learn backstage are often the most important, not to mention the most interesting…

1. If it’s not yours, DON’T TOUCH IT.
Yes, this means you, and it actually means, DON’T touch it upon pain of death. Don’t just nod your head when the director/stage manager gives the cursory speech about props and set and then go and investigate when you think no one is looking. Someone is ALWAYS looking, and there is always a reason that you are told not to.

2. NEVER announce you are going to pick up something to eat.
You will be stormed with orders. The best course of action for this situation is to simply slip out of rehearsal as quietly as possible. Upon your return, you will of course be met with a chorus of “What! Someone went for food and didn’t tell me”, and you will be the most despised person in the room for the next hour. But hey, at least you’re not hungry!

3. Bobby pins are theatre currency.
The humble bobby pin is the most coveted item in a dressing room and he/she who has the most WILL be the King/Queen of said room. Bobby pins have multiple uses besides the one they were invented for. They can be used as a paper clip or to keep your chip bag closed for freshness while you are onstage (and naturally, not eating in costume). As seen in movies, they are also useful for picking locks, although I have never figured out how to do this successfully. Should the end of your zipper break or fall off, a bobby pin is an acceptable substitute. It can also be used to pin clothes/costumes to fit, or as a temporary fix to hold them closed if necessary. Other uses include: a page-turn tab (for turning multiple pages at a time or skipping cuts in music); a bookmark; a small, but deadly weapon and/or ammunition.

4. You can never have enough pairs of stockings.
If yours do not run or inexplicably become lost, someone else's most definitely will. A good pair of tights are worth their weight in gold!

5. There is more drama backstage than onstage.
This is a truth universally accepted. There is always that one couple who will NEVER work outside of the show, and that other couple who break up right before production week. There will be at least two cast members who hate each other, and one person who is missing from a vital rehearsal/performance. There will always be something from the set or props department that is not completed until opening night, and something WILL break during a performance. Miscommunication is the theme of the season and the motto “the show must go on” is truer than any audience member knows.

6. Duct tape can fix anything.
Seriously. There is a saying that goes “Duct tape is like The Force – it has a dark side and a light side and it holds the world together”. This is true. That is all.

7. The Green room is not really green.
Should you wander around backstage searching for a room that is painted green, you will look extremely foolish and be subjected to ridicule from your fellow company members.

8. The guys’ dressing room is the girls’ dressing room too.
This is especially true if you are performing at the Whitehorse Centre, where the downstairs dressing room is the thoroughfare to the opposite side of the stage. The girls dressing room, however, is usually off limits to the men, and they should heed this direction, or be met with a unanimous high pitched scream from the females upon their entrance into the room.

9. ‘Hell Week’ is dubbed so for a reason.
For this week, you should plan on getting no sleep, no home cooked meals and no words of kindness from the production team. If the stage manager tells you to do something, do it. Do not argue. During this week you should remember the two golden rules – ‘Tick off a techie, act in the dark’ and ‘Red Bull makes the world go round.’

10. Withdrawal symptoms on closing night are perfectly legitimate.
The finale performance will feel like a bad break up and you will want to hang onto it for as long as possible. This is why cast parties were invented! Attendance is mandatory as mourning is a communal activity.